The Terrible Nine
by Writerr0814
Summary: Three Trimesters of pregnancy, two clueless Shinigami, one incredible experience.
1. Prologue

**My first RukiaXRenji fic. Sort of OOC drunkness in the beginning, but anything goes when you're intoxicated, right? **  


* * *

The two childhood friends were leaving a surprise party that Matsumoto had planned for Toshiro's birthday. Of course, whenever "Matsumoto" and "party" were in the same sentence, there were always extremely large amounts of alcohol involved.

"I-ah think I luv you, Ruki" Renji blurted out, before tripping over…nothing, falling to the ground.

"Na-uh! Don't say thingsh like dat, pineapple head!" Rukia was as drunk (if not more) as him. "Ish true!, evar since we was children!"

"Dats…thanksh!" the small, petite girl said as she leaned against the brick wall of the local pub.

"Ya know wha…ya know wha we shud do!? We shud totally do it!" Renji, with the help from the aforementioned brick wall, was up off of his knees. Trying to crawl home wasn't the brightest idea at the time.

Rukia stopped rolling her drunken self on the wall and slowly forced her head upwards. "Wha!? Yu don't even know wha "it" is!"

"Do too! Masumoto was talkin bout it all night! It's when you…..wat she said waz…some type of pastry!?"

"I'd slap tha idiot out of ya if I wasn't incredibly drunk off of my arse righ naow." Rukia said.

Somehow the two managed to stumble themselves to Renji's apartment. Knowing that he would probably come back drunk, he left the door unlocked since it would take him entirely too long to unlock the door in the current state he was in.

Thanks to the rug he'd received from the world of the living (A beat up, old shag rug that Rukia got from the world of the living for him as a present) plus the shiny new hardwood floor that he had put in a few days ago, Renji had once again flopped onto the ground, this time with Rukia falling right after.

Her face nearly smashed into his, leaving their lips with barely enough room between them. Renji then kicked the door closed, causing Rukia to suddenly pop up. Before she could completely react to the noise, she was gracefully pulled down into what she would remember as "the sloppiest kiss in the history of forever". Then again, it was also her first.

* * *

_**One month later…**_

* * *

Rukia walked into Renji's office with a facial expression mixed with worry, and fear. She ignored his usual greeting and dropped a bomb.

"I'm pregnant"

"You're WHAT!?"

"Unohana-Taicho has informed me that I'm pregnant. About two weeks along."

"Pregnant…with a baby?!"

Renji was never a great talker. He had a real knack of saying the most idiotic things, this moment being a perfect example of it.

Rukia closed her eyes and sighed deeply, ignoring the less than stellar intellect of her companion. "Yes, Renji. A baby"

"…Is it mine?"

The sound of her foot colliding with his skull echoed throughout the 6th division's barracks, sending the lieutenant flying across the room.

"You're such an idiot! This is probably the most important thing we've ever spoken about, and all you do is ask if it's yours or not" Rukia flailed her arms into the air.

"Alright! Calm down, I get it!. This is just…shocking. We only did it that one time." Renji said, scratching the back of his head. "One time is all it takes" Rukia looked down at her stomach, and sighed.

"So…what do we do now?"

"I think it's important that you inform Nii-sama-"

"NO." Renji quickly retorted.

"Renji, it's probably best if you-"

"NO!"

"Ok. Explain to me why you wouldn't?"

"I don't know about you Rukia, but there's a little thing called LIVING that I'd like to keep doing for a few more centuries."

"So you're saying that…you're scared?"

"Oh nah, I'm not scared at all, Rukia. I'm just fine. I've gone and impregnated the younger sister of the head of a noble clan, who also happens to be my CAPTAIN!...Long story short, I got a Captain's sister drunk and knocked her up! I'm just great Rukia!." Renji let out an unusually nervous laugh while pacing back and forth.

Catching on to his sarcasm, Rukia stepped in front of him, grabbed his haori and pulled him into a short kiss. When their lips parted, Rukia lightly tapped the side of his face. "Idiot…fine. We'll tell him together"

"And when will that be?"

"When we've revised a plan to tell him that _**won't**_ get you beheaded"

_"…Ahh, shit"_

* * *

**Pilot chapter, pretty much. Might update soon, might not. Keep checking though, and read my other fics!**


	2. First Trimester: Part 1

**First Trimester: PT. 1**

**

* * *

**Renji and Rukia had parted ways that day, deciding to meet up the next day to talk everything over. Being brand new to pregnancy, Rukia was extremely cautious as she made her way back to the 13th squad office.

Maybe a tad bit too cautious.

Unohana had informed her that in her current surroundings, she would definitely need to watch for anything that could cause her to fall on her stomach. "You never know when Zaraki will decide to annihilate his squad for no sane reason. We all are very aware of what happens to this place when he does do that" Seeing as that could begin at any given second, Rukia did some quick thinking and immediately shoved a pillow up her Kimono.

She casually strolled into the office, not knowing that her stomach now shared the look of an obviously pregnant woman.

Jyuushiro Ukitake, along with Shunsui Kyoraku, were chatting about the previous captain's meeting until they heard doors open and close. They casually greeted Rukia, not at all noticing the radical change in her body since a few hours ago. Well, not at first at least.

"_**KUCHIKI!!!**_" Ukitake gasped. He stood up so fast his cup of sake spilled on Shunsui's straw hat. "Hey, watch it Jyuu-…wh-…what happened to you!?" They were now standing, sake spilled all over the floor, and everyone knows Shunsui only ignores something like that when something crazy happens.

"I'm sorry sir…are you surprised at something?" A calm Rukia asked.

"Are you saying you don't know that you have a fairly large bulge going on there?" Shunsui asked, wondering who in the world wouldn't notice it. "Sir, I think it would be polite if you refrained from referring to me as overweight. I do train as much as I-"

" It's not that. It just seems like…nah, it couldn't be"

"Couldn't be what, sir?" Rukia asked.

"Maybe it's just me, but it really looks like you're pregnant there, Kuchiki" Shunsui rubbed his chin.

'…HOW DID YOU KNOW!? OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T TELL NII-SAMA, SIR! PL-"

"The real question is" Ukitake cut her off "how did you get that big, so fast? I just saw you-" Ukitake and Shunsui then looked down at Rukia's feet, noticing the white pillow that had been under her clothes. "...I see"

* * *

Rukia spent a few minutes explaining to her superiors about her situation with Renji.

"I haven't told my brother yet, so I don't know how he will take all of this. Renji thinks he will kill him, and I'm sure I will more than likely receive the same treatment" she said. Ukitake patted her shoulder. "I'm sure he wouldn't take it as bad as you think. Besides, we won't tell anyone" he looked back at Shunsui and received a nod of approval. Rukia felt the feeling of relief rush through her body."Thank you, sir!"

* * *

Renji on the other hand was panicking. The thought of Senbonsakura ripping his body to shreds when his Captain becomes aware of the situation ran through his mind over and over again.

"Shit, how did I get myself into this mess? It was only one time. I didn't think she would get pregnant after one night of having sex"

"WHO'S PREGNANT?!? YOU HAD SEX? SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND TALK!" Ikkaku popped from what seemed like out of thin air and confronted his friend.

"You know, Ikkaku. I can't help but think you were following me. I mean, there's this strange feeling that you were eavesdropping, which is _sort of_ creepy" Renji said with a blank facial expression.

"Not at all, you just talk so damn loud. Now what the hell is going on!?"

* * *

As Renji explained what had just happened to him in the last hour, Ikkaku proceeded to roll on the ground, laughing at the mess that Renji had gotten himself in. He too wondered how Senbonsakura would be used to carve his body up.

"Man, you're in deep shit" Ikkaku halted his laughter, finally standing up. "Don't remind me. Its bad enough I got a girl pregnant, but damn it, she's ROYALTY. Once this kid is born, who knows how the Kuchiki clan will react. I'm sure they don't want their genes mixed up with some punk kid who stole money and food to survive."

"On the other hand, I grew up with Rukia. We come from the same place. Deep down, she's exactly like me. I don't think Captain Kuchiki would ever notice it, and I don't think he would want a nephew or niece like that."

"Uhh, Renji"

"That's complete bullshit that it'll more than likely end up that way!"

"Renji…maybe you should-"

"I need to be a man and tell him! Tell him that when it happens, it's going to go my way! _**Fuck**_ his family's rules and regulations!"

"And what exactly is going to happen, Lieutenant?" A very recognizable voice interrupted Renji's rant. The owner of said voice flew over Renji's head as he turned around, ready to begin shouting his thoughts.

"WHEN RUKIA HAS HER FUCKING BABY YOU-…"

There stood Byakuya Kuchiki. He had his hands to his side, as usual. Renji's voice suddenly squeaked. His face turned pale white as is Captain signaled for him to follow him back to the office. "Let me make myself clear, Lieutenant. I will not tolerate being spoken to in that manner. Is that understood?" Byakuya asked, not even blinking.

"Understood, Captain" Renji quickly bowed.

"Now, am I hearing correctly? Is Rukia pregnant with your seed?" Byakuya closed his eyes, striking fear into the already slightly frightened Renji.

He hesitated to answer at first, but then realized that it would be even worse for him to lie about it and suffer even more severe consuquences later."Sir,…she is. I'm sorry sir. We were drunk and things got carried away-"

"Stop talking" Byakuya's eyelids snapped open. "You have the nerve to speak to me in a derogatory manner, then tell me that you've impregnated a member of the Kuchiki clan? You seem to think that I will feel some sort of compassion for you. You've crossed serious boundaries that I would immediately kill any other man for crossing"

"…any other man, sir?" hearing those words, some of the fear went away. _**"Ohthankgod"**_

"Although the Kuchiki clan will look down on this situation, I expect you to take full responsibility of your doings. You will be present during any and all necessary appointments needed during this period of pregnancy, as well as any classes I or Rukia require you to take. The two of you will stay in one of the guest houses in the Kuchiki manor, where I, her Captain, or any of the elders will be periodically checking on you two. "

Renji was completely relaxed, as Byakuya explained the new protocols to his Lieutenant. "Yes sir"

* * *

Rukia had spent the rest of the day at the 4th squad barracks (As Ukitake requested her to do). There, Unohana explained everything about pregnancy, the reason why she was hurling so much, and things she needed to avoid doing while pregnant.

"No more alcohol, no more junk food, no more raw fish." Rukia was surprised at how many things could end up harming the baby. "We won't find out the gender of the baby until your 12th week."

Rukia had never thought of having a child so soon, especially with Renji, of all people. She loved the man, but the thought of him being a father made her want to laugh day and night about it. A little boy or girl running around with bright red hair raising hell.

Rukia lost her train of thought as a messenger came in. "Sorry to interrupt, Captain, but I have a message for Kuchiki Rukia from the 6th squad Captain."

"Nii-sama…what does he want?!" Rukia stood up from the chair she was sitting in.

"He has informed me that it is of extreme importance that you meet him and Abarai Renji in his office."

"…Shit"

* * *

_**"First Trimester: PT 2. In which everyone ponders the thought of Renji being a father, Rukia being a mother, and Byakuya being an uncle. Morning sickness kicks into high gear, and the soon-to-be parents become roommates."**_


	3. First Trimester: Part 2

* * *

Rukia's heart pounded in her chest as she hesitantly made her way to the Kuchiki Manor. Thoughts of Renji hanging by his neck, while Byakuya calmly explained in a hundred different ways how much of an insult this is ran through her mind when she was greeted by the two door guards of the manor.

To her amazement, not only was Renji alive and well, but Byakuya had made Tea for their meeting. They both sat there, casually sipping as they waited for her arrival.

"Sit" was all Byakuya said. Rukia rushed to the seat propped next to Renji. Surely their punishment would be coming soon. "It has come to my attention that the two you have had…relations, and are now expecting." He said, placing his tea cup in a coaster.

"Nii-sama, I am sorry. Shall I…" Rukia's stomach turned when the words "terminate the seed" came out of her mouth.

"WHAT!? HELL NO!" Renji shot up, his chair making a loud thud as it fell on the floor. "Lieutenant, mind your temper" Byakuya shot him a glare. Renji got the message and picked his chair back up. "Sorry sir"

"Rukia, you will do no such thing." He handed her a brown envelope. "You will have this child, and the two of you will raise it." Rukia was relieved and stunned all at once. 'Not in a million years would Nii-Sama support this' she thought. She held the envelope and shook it until the contents of it fell into her lap.

"Keys? But…why do I need these?" she asked. Byakuya stood up and pulled the curtains on his window apart. "You two will be staying in the guest house by the front gate. Your belongings, along with the essential living necessities are already unpacked inside. It is there where the two of you will live until you birth your child."

Rukia wanted to squeal with joy, but decided to keep her cool, giving Renji one of the keys. "Looks like we're roomies again" Renji said, patting Rukia on her head.

"Renji, please try not to ravage our place with your disgusting behavior. That won't be a good environment for the baby." Rukia crossed her arms as they made their way across the courtyard. "You hypocrite! Ichigo told me all about how messy you left his closet the last time you were there. Don't tell me that shit when you don't clean up after yourself either"

"Well I get a pass because I'm a girl!" Rukia stuck her tongue out and mocked her childhood friend. "The hell you do! Any mess you make you better clean it up. I'm not your servant."

"But you're going to need practice. I hear babies are a total hassle. If you think I'm bad, wait until you have to change a diaper" She said as she chuckled, her eyes closed. When she didn't get a response, she opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Are you truly ready for this? A baby?" Renji looked at her with the most seriousness she had ever seen in his eyes. "I…don't have an answer for that. Whether we're ready or not, it's happening. We're just going to have to deal with it." She looked down and sighed, then noticed that they were now walking on the front lawn of their new home. "Looks like we're here" Renji said, taking the key out of his pocket.

* * *

"You know, it's hard to believe that I've never been in one of these….-" The sheer glory of what would be their first home together smacked the sense out of the both of them.

Because of Rukia's extensive stays in the world of the living, she had come back every time with a story about anything interesting she came across. Byakuya had a knack for knowing what his late wife Hisana wanted, and to him, Rukia was no different. Rukia had become fond of the sort of visual entertainment that the world of the living had to offer. She was absolutely fascinated with motion pictures, television, and video games.

"Holy freakin' God" Renji was in awe at what would be his living room. It was the traditional Japanese style, but with an added flavor. There was no such thing as HDTV in the Soul Society, so Renji was proud to be the first owner of one. The house had hard wood floors throughout, minus the two bedrooms.

"We should have kids more often…" Renji said under his breath.

* * *

"RENJI!!! COME!!! NOW!!!" Rukia screamed at the top of her lungs as she checked out the master bedroom. "Why are you yelling!? I'm only a few feet-…"

The bedroom was amazing, but WOULD be perfect if it weren't for the Pink and baby blue chappy wallpaper.

"YES!!!" Rukia squealed like a four year old.

"Oh good god no…" Renji held the back of his head.

The next room surprised them more than any room did. It was completely empty, with a note on the floor.

**"Due to the unknown gender of the baby, this room is to stay as is until the gender is determined."**

"It'll be a boy, watch" Renji crossed his arms, snickering. "Yeah it won't. It'll be a- HMPHHH" Rukia suddenly held her stomach, the other hand covering her mouth.

"The hell is your problem? " he cocked his eyebrow, then got the message when Rukia tried talking. "Oh shit. Go throw up in the bathroom! Not here!" he pushed her out of the empty room towards the bathroom, where Rukia had proceeded to vomit up a storm.

Almost fifteen minutes passed by when Rukia finally stood up and walked out of the bathroom. "Jeez, you smell awful" Pinching his nose, Renji politely moved her out of the way only to discover their brand new bathroom looked like someone had been murdered in it. That or someone decided to spray it with beef stew.

He looked down and saw various, disgusting puddles of it. He looked on the walls and saw it. He tipped his head up and saw it on the ceiling. "How in the hell…" a sickened expression came across his face.

"Just clean it up!" the petite female said, trying hard to fix her hair.

"It came out of YOUR mouth! YOU clean it up!" Renji retorted, stepping out of the bathroom. "But I'm pregnant! You aren't supposed to make pregnant women work!" she quickly replied. "Oh no, you're not gonna start pulling that card on me. You're well enough to clean up after yourself"

* * *

Just as the argument was on the verge of escalating, a knock was heard at the door. Rukia decided to cut off the screaming match and sit down. "Just answer the door" she huffed and plopped down on the couch.

"Go take a bath or something. You smell like you've been scuba diving in a pool of that crap." Before she could reply, Renji had already opened the door. "H-hey! How did you know we were here?"

Rangiku walked into the house with a magazine in her hand, waving at her fellow Shinigami. "Oh you know, word travels pretty fast around here."

Rukia stood up. "So you know that I'm-"

"Pregnant? _Yeah_"

"And-"

"Does everyone else know? _Yeah_"

Rukia and Renji both gasped. "How did everyone find out so fast?! We just found out a few hours ago!" Renji ran his fingers through his hair, wondering how anyone other than Rukia, Byakuya and Unohana knew.

"You forgot about earlier already?" Ikkaku walked in behind Rangiku and leaned against the wall. He smiled as Renji's face turned red with embarrassment.

"Anyway" Rangiku sat down on the same couch Rukia was on. "I was able to fit the story in the Soul Society News at the last minute."

"YOU MADE A STORY OUT OF THIS!?" Almost instantly, they were back in their previous state. "What!? Stuff like this makes good material! I also ran around and did a quick survey on what everyone thought about the pregnancy! Here, read!"

* * *


	4. First Trimester: Part 3

The soon to be parents sat as Renji read off the responses of the other members of the Gotei 13.

_"I think it's wonderful! The two of them will make great parents!"_** – Momo Hinamori**

"It was very nice of her to say that" Rukia smiled and patted Renji's shoulder.

_"I feel sorry for Rukia. That Abarai is no where near as beautiful as she is. Let's hope the baby retains all of the mother's qualities."_**-Yumichika Ayasegawa**

"That fruity son of a bitch…"

_"Kuchiki has always been one of my favorite subordinates. I've also heard great things about Renji as well. They'll raise their child just fine."_** Jyuushiro Ukitake**

"C-Captain said that about…me!?" Rukia was shocked by the words of someone she deeply admired. "Don't get too excited. He says shit like that about everyone."

"Ruin the moment whydontcha"

_"The hell? I can almost guarantee that their kid will be the biggest pansy to ever be born here. The bastard better be ready to fight when it's born!-** Kenpachi Zaraki**_

"What a dick" Renji said.

_"Yay! Pineapple head is having a baby with shorty! Too bad it'll be ugly! Renji's an ugly person isn't he!?" _– **Yachiru Kusajishi**

"I'm not fucking ugly!!" Renji shouted out in frustration. "Of course you aren't!" Rangiku defended her friend. "Rukia's looks are just on a completely different level than yours! Don't be sad about it. Look at it this way, at least you make the people around you look better by comparison!"

"Harsh" Ikkaku chuckled. Renji glared at Rangiku, both in confusion and anger. "Didn't you just agree with me that I wasn't ugly?"

"Yeah."

"And now you're saying I actually am ugly, but I should feel good about it because I make people around me look better?"

"That seems about right. What's your point?" She was oblivious to the fact that she had defended him, then belittled him shortly after.

"My point is you should THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK, MATSUMOTO!. You're so…you know what? I think it's just easier for the both of us to just call you stupid."

"Am not!" Rangiku knew she wasn't stupid, but just a tad bit air headed. She was one of the most intelligent females in the Gotei 13, but she had her blonde moments from time to time.

"Moving on…" Rukia snatched the paper out of Renji's hands and decided to continue reading herself.

* * *

_"While Renji and Rukia were attending the Spirit Academy, I'd always notice how boneheaded Renji was, and how intelligent Rukia was. When the graduated, I learned that it went both ways. Everyone knows there had always been romantic tension between the two and that something like this would happen sooner or later. It's good to see some young, promising Soul Reapers about to become parents. I wish them both good luck"._ – **Shuuhei Hisagi**

"Finally, something at least a little bit positive" Renji said, letting his body fall back down on the couch.

Rukia closed the magazine and let it drop on the coffee table. She looked down at her stomach, then back up at the ceiling. After Rangiku and Ikkaku left, the two cleaned up the mess in the bathroom.

Two months later.

* * *

Accompanied by Byakuya, The two were on their way to the 4th squad barracks for an ultrasound, hoping to find out the sex of their child. It was the end of her Rukia's first trimester, so soon they would know.

Rukia's stomach was noticeably big. Unohana had noted in earlier appointments that she had "grown to a size a lot bigger than the average pregnant would be this far along". Her morning sickness had been more prolonged that it should have been, and she had been sleeping for more than 12 hours a day.

"How have you been feeling lately?" Unohana asked. Rukia rubbed her stomach and smiled "Better than usual."

"Captain" Byakuya cut in "Will we be finding out the sex of the child today?". Unohana slipped on some disposable medical gloves and picked up the transducer "Yes we will".

Rukia laid across the medical bed, exposing her stomach. She had been through this a few times before, so the cold gel on her stomach didn't weird her out as much.

Unohana slid the transducer up and down Rukia's stomach for a few seconds, letting the computer transmit the sound waves coming from the transducer into a picture.

"There's your baby" she said. They all looked at the screen, but this time was different from all of the other appointments.

Renji stood and looked closer. "Is that…two heads I see?!".

"WHAT!?" Rukia gasped as she noticed the same thing. "I believe it is" Unohana smiled.

"How interesting" You could see the slight smirk on Byakuya's face.

"Renji, Rukia. From what I can tell, you'll be having twins!"

They both stood there, motionless, more stunned than they had ever been in their lives.

* * *

**Short chapter, I know. Had to get something out there though, since I haven't updated it in so long.**

* * *


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